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Reparations Demanded

Discussion of non-quizbowl topics
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Posts: 54
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:00 pm

Reparations Demanded

Post by leftsaidfred » Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:50 pm

On June 17, 2012, around approximately 11 a.m. ET, a great crime was committed against me by a member of the Missouri Quiz Bowl Alliance.

Charlie Dees stole my nose.

To date, my nose has yet to be returned to me, despite multiple requests for this to be done. Additionally, bystanders such as Sarah Angelo and Matt Bollinger - respected members of the quiz bowl community in general - witnessed this crime and did nothing to stop it. They will be dealt with as well.

Pain and suffering has been brought down upon me by this crime. For example, on my drive home from NASAT, my olfactory nerves continued to pick up the scent of sweatsocks, undoubtedly while my nose was careless stashed in Mr. Dees' luggage near his dirty socks.

I request the following actions be taken as soon as possible:

1) I demand that my nose be returned from Charlie Dees' hand immediately. I have reason to believe that it is still being held between his first two fingers as I write this.

2) I demand a written apology from the MOQBA for allowing a known nose thief to gallivant about Missouri, attending various quiz bowl functions.

3) I demand the removal of Mr. Dees from his position in an official capacity with a high school team known as "Rock Bridge." By his actions, he is undoubtedly teaching young, developing adults that stealing the nose of innocent people is acceptable behavior, directly contributing to the rise in youth-orchestra nose theft in the United States. I should note I find the name "Rock Bridge" as dubious as "Ladue," and suspect that it may be a front for gangs involved in nose poaching.

4) I demand this forum be renamed "Fred Morlan's perfect nose" for the purpose of posting art created in honor of said missing nose.

Further reparations may be demanded, as deemed necessary by the immediacy of my nose's return.

I eagerly anticipate a satisfactory response to these requests.

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Re: Reparations Demanded

Post by merv1618 » Thu Jul 05, 2012 4:26 pm

I don't know if anyone nose anything about this.

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